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clerical preparation room - 2003-10-03
What could have been a horrible day I am classifying now as 'passable'. Or 'passed'. Whatever. Split your grammatical hairs elsewhere. When I went to vote today, I got to pee in the urinal from my old elementary school. Even though I spent five years there, I never once ever used the urinal. I was scared of them, you see, scared to pee without pulling my pants all the way down, lest I urinate on myself and wear my gym shorts for the rest of the day. Wearing gym shorts outside of gym class is always a good sign that you have soiled yourself. Urinals are funny things; oblong porcelain bowls bolted to the wall. I guess as guys grow up, they drunkenly piss on enough walls and lawn ornaments to become comfortable with these things. At least I did, anyway. Additionally, I have always found urinal cakes to be quite funny. Maybe it is just the word 'cake', used in a context which has it absorbing human waste. I am dying to work the phrase 'have your urinal cake and eat it too' into normal conversation that has nothing to do with 'American Psycho'. Tomorrow I go down to pick up my plane tickets once and for all. I can't wait to see if they have gold foil authenticator spots. My trip to India is sponsored by Jim Beam Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey, and 'The Beach' starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Robert Carlyle, coming soon to a Blockbuster clearance bin near you. I'm actually not joking. So right now I am just struggling through the making of a CD for the road trip tomorrow, across a patchworked 401, just a little bit past the GTA. You would think out of about 1200 songs, I could pick 16 that won't give me morning sickness? You're thinking wrong, honey. I will share what I have thus far with you, because I've got nothing left, and I figure it can be an homage to Fran. In alphabetical order. Big Sugar - All Hell For A Basement I'm actually not joking. Now get out of here, little trooper. Song of the moment: Spiritualized - Lord Can You Hear Me? (oh oh yeah, that's right, I save the 'highbrow' music for my basement.)
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